i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
vagina is talking i cant
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
