AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
