one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
