I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
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