I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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