oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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