woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
