Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
