I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
look no pants
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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