i can't believe i had my finger in that
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
