My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
