no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
