Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
