he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I need a burrito and a hug.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
