remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
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He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
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Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize