So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
