The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
