I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
