The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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