I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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