Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
