Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
