I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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