His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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