Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
