The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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