Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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