She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
