Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
