Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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