your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.