I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.