This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
so let's talk penis.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
