Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
