Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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