If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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