The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
