By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
