I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
