It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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