Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
