At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
