When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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