The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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