How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
