Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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