I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
