their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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