Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
