Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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