stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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