party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
