I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
we're chasing vodka with high fives
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize