i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
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Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
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Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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