I want to make a zoo with you.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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