I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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