this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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