i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
