she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
