her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
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you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
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Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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