Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
