Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
