We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
