HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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