I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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