it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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