"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
