i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
