i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
