Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
