Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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