I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
