dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
