i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just had sex on a roof
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
