There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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