His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize