I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
