We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My bed smells like the plague
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
