You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
