Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
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I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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