my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
