three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
